Rock Star

For those of you who met Maddie yesterday below are some links to her singing (and playing bass!) with her band Bay Area Girls.

I don't know what I was doing at 10 yrs old but I was not nearly this accomplished.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2-TB4ex46IM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OR4twGGeYyg

Party

Thank you to everyone who joined us yesterday for our Engagement Party. We had a great time and it was so wonderful to see you all.

In particular much thanks goes to Bob and Eydie opening up their home and hosting the party for us. Michele for the AMAZING cake. I mean seriously so beautiful and so delicious I still cannot believe you made it. To Kristen for letting me borrow your parents, your childhood home, and helping to plan the whole thing. And to everyone who came from far away, we have never felt so special. Thanks for making the trip.

Garren and I are going to miss you all more than you could possibly know. I was looking at pictures today thinking, "Why are we leaving? What the hell are we thinking?! How can we leave these people?". We were thinking adventure, so hopefully those of you who are able to come visit can join in on our adventure and we'll make do in the meantime without you nearby, although I think it will prove harder than we realize.

Kisses!

N

Pictures from Michele's camera can be found here. Hopefully pictures from other cameras will be forthcoming.

Feelings of Eh

So yesterday marked exactly 14 days until the wedding. Today marks 13. Yesterday just thinking of that caused my hear to speed up. Why? I don't know. I am very secure in the fact that I want to marry Garren. There is no doubt in my mind that I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but at the same time as the wedding creeps closer I am feeling an increased level of anxiety.

I think that anxiety has more to do with the details and planning of the wedding than the act of becoming a married person. I think I am also over analyzing things in terms of some of the decisions we made. I am feeling a little guilty that we decided to make the wedding such a small affair. While I think it is the right decision for us, especially with the quick nature of our nuptials, I can't help but feel guilty and worried that I may have inadvertently offended extended family members and friends. And I can't help but be sad that I wasn't able to take more time with our wedding plans, save more and invite those people who I really truly love in my life, but cannot invite with our current circumstances (i.e. moving to morocco with a limited budget)

I'm sure with my family and friends this concern is unwarranted. But you never know. Weddings are strange things. With other peoples weddings I am so hands off. I refuse to be offended if I am not included or invited because I know how much pressure can be put on a couple planning their wedding. But not everyone is like that. I have heard others talk of weddings and those they had to invite due to family obligations or because they would throw a fit if not included. It's such an insane thought to me but it does happen. Is someone I know secretly throwing one of these fits?

I hope not. My worst fear is hurting someone who I care about. It's the last thing I want to do with a day that is supposed to be so special for me and Garren.

Like I said I'm over thinking this. It is what I do and Garren is probably rolling his eyes at this post, but there it is.

Hidden Costs

You know, I'm supposed to be moving to Morocco because this is going to be beneficial to me, and while in the long run it may be, so far all it has been is an expense. Between the wedding which we weren't able to take the time to save for (not that I mind), buying a ticket for Garren (again not that I mind, obviously), acquiring pertinent documents, and them pushing back my start date I feel somehow like I'm out a fortune. I'm sure maybe I'm exaggerating a little here, but now I'm having to pay to have all my document translated for the Visa purposes. 

I just sent ONE of the documents I need translated for a quote and was told $195 for the one document. Granted it's the biggest document with the most words but at this rate, getting everything translated is going to cost me an insane amount of money. 

Between the wedding, moving, taking on a new job, leaving my old job, moving away from everything I know, leaving my cats, and spending a lot of money I don't have I'm feeling really depressed. I keep telling myself it's going to be great and it's all going to be worth it in the end, but right now it doesn't feel that way. I just feel stressed, put out and a little lonely with Garren at work tonight. 

Whatever it's just money right? And in the end it will get me to Morocco and a crazy adventure right? I'm going to have to email to see if they will cover the costs for these translations. I just hate feeling like the American who's trying to get everything paid for. But this was an expense I didn't expect.  So I'll send them the invoice and see what they say. Sigh. It will probably be no.

What?!

Melanie at work got a text from her daughter that Michael Jackson was dead.

WTF?! Upon scouring the Internet on TMZ is reporting he is dead, but as far as I'm concerned TMZ is a bunch of idiots. The NYT, LAT and Washington Post are reporting that he was rushed to a hospital in LA. Apparently he's suffered a heart attack and was not breathing upon the paramedics arrival.

Although since writing this, LAT is now reporting that he is dead. I'm still dubious as I think it still has yet to be confirmed by the hospital.

I know Michael Jackson isn't the stablest of personalities, but I have a fondness for his music so, "Don't die Michael!"

Anti Bride

I'm a little frustrated with wedding stuff today. I know that Garren and everyone in my circle of friends is sick of hearing about it but I'm just not gaga over any of my dress choices. The fact is I'm annoying myself with my lack of decision making abilities.

I dunno. Maybe I'm placing too much importance on it, but when I pictured my wedding I always imagined that I would have the most unbelievable dress or at least feel unbelievable in it. But I never had a clear picture of the style or options I wanted. Maybe because it's changed over the years. Either way it has caused problems as it's hard to find your perfect dress if you don't have a clear picture of it.

I think the other factor is the limited time. From start to finish I will have had about 6 weeks total to plan this wedding. And while for the most part it is exactly what I want even if we had more time the truth is that if I had a year I feel like I could have paid a bit more attention to the details. I probably would have found a dress before I picked flower colors and I would have had a lot more time to be picky about the dress without worrying about a time crunch and alterations and accessory buying factors. I would have had more time to think about decorations, flower arrangements, gifts, etc. As it is most of that stuff has been thrown out the window for us. And while that's ok I regret not having some more time, because if I did I could have saved a bit more for the dress so I wasn't as limited in the price range.

Right now I feel like I can't consider certain options because it's out of my price range or there is not enough time. Or maybe it doesn't fit with the casual wedding we're having. And with us paying for the wedding on our own (with some help from the parents) I don't know if I can justify paying over $400 for a dress I'll only wear once. My frugal side is telling me it's ridiculous.

At this point I'm not sure what to do. Do I settle? Do I keep looking? Do I consider options a little bit out of the price range and say to hell with it? Do I say f*%ck it and just wear a sheet?

I'm giving myself the weekend. And then if I can't find an option I am gaga over I'm going with the back up dress and I'm going to embrace it whole heartedly without any reservations. That's my plan and I'm sticking to it. I'm also going to shut up about it after this post. I hate feeling like a bridezilla. blah.

Whew!

Crisis averted (hopefully). The hotel is being very understanding, I'm being very understanding and I have been extended a start date of August 15th.

So Bay Area friends you are stuck with me for a little while longer. I'll be working until the end of July and Garren and I may just take a mini honeymoon to Europe before my start date in Morocco. This also leaves me time to settle the cats in Benicia myself, which will make me feel a little better about my departure from them.

So things are looking ok. For now.